Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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