He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
