Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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