i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
