Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
