I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
