Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
