Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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