it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
