apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
