Where did you get a picture of my penis
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
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