im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
