Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
