Yo dont text me then not text me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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