batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
