i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
