Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
