apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
