I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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