I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
