I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
