you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
