Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
