Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
