Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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