if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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