My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
