And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
