Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
