He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
