I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
