Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
