i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
