I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize