On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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