Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize