Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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