He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
