let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
