just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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