last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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