there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
