i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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