I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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