the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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