9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
