it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
