I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Found the puke drawer
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
