i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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