Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
