I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
