im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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