i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I licked your asshole in confidence.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
