They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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