what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
PANTIES FOUND
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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