idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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