party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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