We need to rekindle our bromance
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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