He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
