she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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