The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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