xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
