She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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