bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
