Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
