we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
