Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
